I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
