i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
