So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
