i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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