I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
