I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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