Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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