ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize