You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
