Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
