yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
