whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
