they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
