I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
