this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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