never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize