i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
