Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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