Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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