I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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