I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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