Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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