Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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