She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
