I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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