I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
