Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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