a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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