I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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