I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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