I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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