i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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