You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
