At least make sure they are 18
Why
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
