the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize