ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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