it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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