dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
