It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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