i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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