This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
