Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
