Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
