Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
