how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
