my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
