im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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