I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
