sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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