Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
