i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
