Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
