Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize