Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
