There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
