Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
