mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
