So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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