also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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