I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
