First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
