I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize