i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
