I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
