at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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