Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He better not be in your backpack
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
