can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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