it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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