So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize