Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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