Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
