I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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