mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
