Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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