Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
wow bdsm is so cute
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
