similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
