I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
