You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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