it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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