You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize