We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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