if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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