she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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