Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
