just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
