Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
