I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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