I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't deserve a penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize