How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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