Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize