On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
